Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
