in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
foreskin is a definite game changer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
