I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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