My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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