Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
