you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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