Your face is a jimmy john
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
