you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
