Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
