I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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