With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
