Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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