how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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