do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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