He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
