He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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