is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
