He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
