actually, I'm a sock model
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
