I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
