I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
