Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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