me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
