I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
