3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
