I like my sex mixed with concussions.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
