You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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