Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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