You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
