In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
