I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
