Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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