I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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