I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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