Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
