she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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