nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
