Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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