Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
