We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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