things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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