Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
