I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
