I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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