Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
