So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
