Christians are straight up FREAKS
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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