Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
