I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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