I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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