My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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