i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
