Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
