She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
