Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
