I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
