And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
