Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
