if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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