I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
