Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
