Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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