she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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